AI Says...
In our society, love is often portrayed in an almost commercial form: passionate, jealous, possessive, and intrinsically tied to the idea of ownership over another person. We celebrate exclusivity and total devotion to the other, often at the expense of individual freedom and personal growth. But what about a love that transcends these boundaries? A love that is neither possessive nor jealous, where attachment does not become a golden cage? Let us explore this kind of love, its nature, stages, and the traps of instinct according to the ideas of Arthur Schopenhauer.
The Nature of Vulgarized Love
Love, as vulgarized in our societies, is often a quest for personal satisfaction, guided by expectations and desires. This type of love, which many seek, often begins with a burning passion, an emotional dependency that, while gratifying in the short term, can quickly transform into jealousy and possessiveness. Partners end up seeing the other not as an independent being, but as an extension of their own needs and desires.
Jealousy, for example, is perceived as a proof of love. It signals the fear of losing the other, which is in reality a symptom of unhealthy attachment. This version of love is often marked by unrealistic expectations, power imbalances, and an inability to accept that the other is a separate entity with their own aspirations and freedoms.
The Stages of Love Without Attachment
Love without attachment starts similarly to traditional love. There is an initial attraction, a fascination with the other. However, the fundamental difference lies in how this attraction develops. Instead of seeking to possess or control the other, we seek to understand and accept them as they are, without trying to change them or fulfill our own selfish desires.
Falling in Love: This stage is marked by mutual attraction, the discovery of the other, but also the realization that the other is a free person. There is no expectation that this person will fill an emotional void or meet a need. The desire for the other is not one of possession but of shared experience.
Development: As the relationship progresses, love without attachment does not seek to merge two people into one entity. It respects differences and individualities. Each partner continues to evolve on their own, with the mutual trust that each is doing their best for their own happiness and the other's.
Heartbreak: Even in love without attachment, there can be tensions, disagreements, or even breakups. However, these difficult moments are not lived in fear of losing the other but rather as an opportunity for personal growth. True love allows the other to leave if necessary, without resentment.
The Trap of the Will: Schopenhauer and the Perpetuation of the Species
Arthur Schopenhauer, a German philosopher, viewed love as a trap of the will to live, a force that drives us to perpetuate the species. According to him, our romantic desires are often dictated by unconscious instincts, guided by a biological goal: reproduction. What we perceive as love may actually be an illusion created by nature to push us to reproduce.
Thus, intense passions, jealousies, and romantic dramas are merely biological mechanisms, disguised as deep emotions, aimed at ensuring the survival of the species. From this perspective, traditional love is a game of illusions that keeps individuals in a cycle of desires and frustrations.
The Signs of True Love
Love without attachment, however, transcends these biological mechanisms. It is a love that does not seek to control, that is not rooted in fear or the desire for possession. The signs of such love include:
Emotional Freedom: In true love, you feel free to be yourself, without fear of judgment or the expectations of the other.
Deep Altruism: This love is characterized by deep generosity, where the happiness of the other is just as important as your own. The other is not a means to satisfy your own needs but an end in themselves.
Personal Balance: Such love requires emotional balance and great maturity. Those who love without attachment often have a deep knowledge of themselves and an acceptance of their own weaknesses. They do not seek to fill internal gaps through the other.
Absence of Possessiveness: This love does not see the other as a possession but as a companion free to make their own choices. There is no jealousy because mutual trust and the acceptance of each other's freedom are at the heart of the relationship.
Conclusion
Love without attachment is a love lived in complete freedom, without jealousy or possessiveness. It requires a high degree of personal awareness and the ability to love without expectations. Unlike vulgarized love, it does not seek to possess but to accept, to offer, and to grow together. This type of love, often difficult to achieve in a world dominated by instincts and social pressures, is nonetheless the essence of a fulfilling and authentic relationship.
This love demands deep introspection and a balance between self-giving and respect for the other’s freedom.